After reading blogs posted on Facebook by other CDC mom's, I've been inspired to create my own blog.
Tonight I enjoyed a peaceful moment rocking Cali in her room as she slept and snored heavily on my shoulder. I looked at the "Joey Pump" as the IV bag of formula dripped through the tubing and directly into her stomach through the "Mic-Key" button in her abdomen. 10 months ago if someone in the NICU had told us that this was what was ahead for our little girl, I would have said I couldn't handle it. Yet here we are and it's just another perfectly precious moment on another typical evening in the Rose household.
I truly believe that there's a reason we don't know the things that are in store for our futures. I am SO grateful that we didn't do prenatal testing when I was pregnant. Had I known the diagnoses that far in advance, it would have made those 9 months full of worry (as if they didn't have enough already just with being pregnant and hormonal!). I would have been consumed by my fears and wonders of what my daughter would be like and how we would handle her disabilities as parents. What would it do to our marriage? What about money?...blah blah blah...
There's no point in wondering what will be and why it will be (though I do it all the time). It's not for us to understand. The fact of the matter is that things all happen for a reason. It may sound hokey & I'm sure others would disagree... but this is what my personal experience has taught me. What we think is best for us certainly isn't always the case. And what we think is "bad" for us is still what makes us who we are and keeps the universe in balance. In the end...all things work together.
I wouldn't trade my daughter or anything about her. She is perfect...missing chromosome and all. It is part of what makes her my little Cali-girl :). I can't imagine it being any other way. I look at my friends' kids that are close to her age and it all seems so strange to me the things they can do that Cali cannot. She is what we know and she is our "normal" :).
All this being said...I'm sure glad I don't know what the future holds. Good or bad, it will all come in strides. Some days will be harder than others.... and some days will be rainbows and butterflies. It is what it is and in this moment, I'm thankful for every bit of it. Ask me on a bad day and my outlook may not be so bright. Regardless, these are the things that I believe in the depths of my heart.
Baby is crying now ...Mommy is tired.
Goodnight!
